I recently received a phone call from an old friend, who after a brief chat, tentatively explained that his mother was quite unwell and cautiously enquired if I could lend a hand?
“Of course” I said through gritted teeth, wondering what the hell I was letting myself in for, imagining emptying bed pans or worse still… catsitting.
“Thank you so much Don, I‘m working as a porter in central London, could you possibly cover for me over the next few days?”
“Why I’d be delighted” I lied, yet I was relieved that no felines were involved and so we agreed to meet the very next day in order for him to show me the ropes.
Arriving early, I was immediately confronted by a favourite of the paparazzi, who proceeded to grill me until his paranoia was appeased.
My friend left after concisely explaining my duties and I spent a hectic if agreeable week helping consular officials and their various visitors.
As my last day drew to an end, the ambassador stopped by and sent me to the kitchen for a light supper, in thanks for all my efforts.
I sat down and tucked into soup, sandwiches and a beer before I was once again confronted by the embassy’s permanent guest.
Scarfing down the last sandwich, I pulled out my cana and was about to refill my magma before my walk home, when my intrusive interrogator asked me if I had any spare kanthal?
“Of course” I said, surprised that this thorn in everyone’s side was a vaper. “Great if you’ll share your wire, I’ll share some new e liquids I received earlier today” said he.
I wrapped a coil, slotted it into his derringer and we retired to the tiny garden where my new best friend produced 4 bottles of Vapevine.
Made great in Britain is their tag line, I must admit I had long been intrigued by Vapevine’s focus on a number of quintessentially British flavours, so without another word we began to vape.
First one up was called Drunken crumble it was a Rhubarb crumble that only really got going above 19.5 watts for me. I suddenly found myself holding a debate with the planets most notorious inquisitor.
“Is that cinnamon?”
“More custard in my opinion.”
“Yes indeed, you are right and a hint of buttery crumble at the end.”
“Wait… wait that’ s definitely rosemary!”
“Are you sure? It tastes of brandy to me?”
“Could there even be some citrus in the back?”
Before he contacted a Vapevine whistleblower and launched an e liquid document dump, I asked to try the next flavour.
It was called the 99, like the vanilla ice cream in a cone with chocolate flake covered in strawberry & raspberry syrups, all finished off with a cooling exhale. It was very good, but personally I would have preferred just a smidgeon less of the koolada at the end.
Perhaps it was the heavenly smell of ice cream or maybe it had been the delicious drunken crumble dessert that drew them closer? But I became very aware of several policemen observing us all too closely from several nearby rooftops.
I considered mentioning our uninvited audience to my paranoid juice provider but it had been a long day and besides I really wanted to try the next e liquid.
Cracking open the bottle of Emerald city, I tasted mild aniseed, liquorice, mixed fruit and a gentle cinnamon tickle at the end. Very nice… but I could not help observe the bobbies moving closer and sniffing rather loudly. Luckily my host was enveloped in vapour, swearing he could taste fruits of the forest somewhere in that Emerald city mix.
While he was distracted, I ripped open the last bottle called SW19 and filled both our drippers while his back was to the garden and the watchers on the roofs.
Vaping loudly, blowing billowing plumes, snorting and snuffing he began to identify the flavours…”it’s got strawberries and cream, with Pimms and… and…. lemon barley?”
He was right, it was like Wimbledon in a bottle but there was something more, something more herbal, almost grassy… but before I could properly identify it, one of the watchers
slid slowly down the roof and landed with a sickening thump in the small rose garden less than 10 ft away.
My companion turned and stared, his jaw hit the lawn, his face went white and with a shriek like a battered banshee… scuttered quickly back inside the embassy.
I calmly blew a few extra large clouds and under the cover of the perfumed plumes, helped the poor plod overcome the after effects of gravity and carefully boosted him back over the wall, narrowly averting an international incident.
My brave companion had locked himself in the wine cellar and so I decided to discreetly vanish before he accosted me again.
As I was exiting through the main door the cultural attache appeared and softly murmured “Thank you for your quick thinking and your discretion, it is the third time this month our guest has locked himself in the wine cellar.” Rolling his eyes in an eloquently silent commentary at these antics, he continued “Should you ever need a favour, please do not hesitate to call.” He pressed his card into my hand, smiled, shook my hand and disappeared without another word.
This was my first ever experience with Vapevine… but it will not be my last, I will however, be carefully avoiding favours for friends that involve embassies and asylum seekers for the foreseeable future.
All juices 50PG50VG vaped with a rayon wicked 1.3 ohm coil in a magma on a cana, firing at 15 up to 25 watts, in the garden of an embassy with a paranoid recluse.
Avoid the hacking, document dumps and clandestine observers by visiting Vapevine using your browser http://www.vapevine.co.uk/
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